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Hope
I’ve never in my life felt so wanted and so and so needed and so desirable.
So, my two year old, at one point, brought me a bottle of vodka. He said; “Here’s your drinking bottle mommy.”
There’s some sort of hole in your heart that you're still trying to get filled. You wish your Dad had said some wonderful things.
Where I’d prayed for everyone else for so long... I had ignored the fact that I did need God.
I haven’t dated that much, but with my first boyfriend, I just didn’t really hold that much of standards for myself. So I allowed myself to be verbally abused. I allowed him to talk down to me.
"She went to the doctor for a sports physical. While there she was asked if she was sexually active. She said; “Yes.” She panicked and froze. Stuff hit the fan."
She later told that she was thinking about suicide, and that it was my simple hello that had let her know that she was alive.
I didn’t know if God loved me. I was just so desperate. I started to try to find my identity in relationships with guys.
"While I thought that they were special things, my husband at the time found that journal and thought it was really weird, really strange, and told me that I was really weird."
I thought that I had nothing to live for. I thought that I was the most worthless mother on the face of the earth. I was no good as a wife. As a mother. As a daughter. As a friend