Find Hope

How could someone like me marry a virgin?

I’ve never in my life felt so wanted and so and so needed and so desirable.

READ FULL STORY »

I started in a club in Panama City, Florida, where I would wear lingerie. I would dance, and men would give me money. I would even do lap dances. You see how much money can be made. It became very easy for me to give in to that because of the attention. I’ve never in my life felt so wanted, so needed, and so desirable.

I started a relationship with a guy who taught me basically everything that my mother should have taught me. He taught me how to dress, how to take care of myself. The very first time I got my nails done and the first time I went to a nice store shopping, he did all of that. He made me get my GED. I wasn’t allowed to do drugs, and he was a pimp.

From dancing, I started prostituting. That was my lifestyle for three years. It was like that song, it was a “Slow Fade and you give yourself away.” It was very gradual. In your mind, you never think that you’ll go so far. I never thought I’d be prostituting. It got to the point I would make $800.00 and then leave with a guy for another $900.00. It was that much money per night. It was crazy. I didn’t know how to get out of it. I didn’t know how to stop.

I remember one day, due to me not getting paid because of some mistake, I turned to God for the first time in years. I was angry, and I even cursed him. I was just really really angry at how my life had been. I realized now that all He cared about was that I turn to Him. It had nothing to do with what I said.

Three months later a guy who I grew up with in youth group with contacted me on Facebook. He is a preacher now. He invited me over to his house for the Fourth of July cookout. That’s where I met Nate. We began dating in July and were married in March. He was a God-fearing man. Because I wanted to be his girlfriend, I completely quit doing drugs and really began seeking God and living for the Lord. We did it right. He was a virgin. We didn’t move in together. We did it by the book. He proposed and it was one of the happiest times I have ever been in my life.

I was sober for the first time in a long time. It was for the wrong reasons, but I was sober. We got married and things were good for the first year. Then the second year came and he had his own pains. It just cut me deep. I went into a downward spiral, getting back into drugs, and we were children’s church leaders, church pastors, in the choir. I did not know how to turn to God. I began smoking crack cocaine. It’s really hard to hide a crack addiction. I did hide it for eight months.

My husband got sick. He couldn’t work anymore, so that meant money started missing. We didn’t have any income, so I had to steal to support my crack habit. When my in-laws discovered that jewelry was missing, I confessed that I was smoking crack for eight months and that I was deep in that and pain pill abuse. They said; “You either go get help or you go and be a part of this life. You live this life that you have been so desperately trying to hide. So, I chose Teen challenge.

A week before I went into Teen Challenge my husband was diagnosed with Leukemia. He went to Vanderbilt Hospital to get healed physically, and I went to Teen Challenge to get healed mentally. He showed me unconditional love, (my husband). He was there with me the entire time in Teen Challenge. He was there for me. I saw how much he was sticking by me. God used that to break me down and give me the broken heart I needed to receive his love. I just fell to my knees and I sobbed. I sobbed. The whole day I was ruined. God just poured his love into me, and I began to see him as Daddy. The rejection began to fall away because I saw myself in Him. I saw how beautiful I was in Him.

My sixth month at Teen Challenge my husband’s doctors said there was nothing more they could do. Teen Challenge let me out on medical leave. Two weeks later my husband passed away. My husband showed me, unconditional love. He was truly my gift from God.

Now my mother-in-law is the mother I’ve never had. She’s my mom. They are my family. My father-in-law, my mother-in-law, and my two sisters-in-law, there is true forgiveness. There is true redemption there. They’ve seen what God has done in my life and that He has truly changed me in such an amazing way.

Brandy - How could someone like me marry a virgin?